Decatting a Tree

It is the most dreaded call in the history of humane societies, animal shelters, and rescue organizations across the nation. It is a scene that is replayed in movies, and is a constant source of entertainment to the American public. And I am the appointed one at our agency to handle this call. It is the "my cat is stuck in a tree" request for assistance.

I didn't really apply for this part of the job. It just kind of happened. I am competitive by nature, and all it really took was for one of my officers to say, "it can't be done". Promptly open mouth and insert foot. I climbed the tree, successfully retrieved the cat, and condemned myself to being the newly appointed cat-catcher, specializing in the tree department.

And what have I learned in all my years of decatting trees? More than I care to confess, but here are a few tips for anyone wishing to pursue this as a career.

1. First, and most important of all, make sure the cat is truly interested in being rescued. Usually this means waiting a few days and looking for telltale signals from the feline ward. Be forewarned that attempting to rescue a cat that doesn't like you can be very risky.

2. Never wear your best pair of jeans. Tree bark will blow out the inside seams on a pair of jeans faster than anything. By the same token, be sure and have a back up pair of jeans available after you completely destroy the inner legs of that pair of jeans you didn't really care about to begin with.

3. Plan on wearing long sleeve shirts for the next 10 days. The skin on your inner forearms will resemble that of a person suffering from scabies. Tree bark is very unforgiving.

4. There are two basic methods of retrieval and both have some drawbacks. You can:

   a) allow kitty to ride back down the tree on your shoulder which can result in:

   1. Kitty feels very distrusting of your climbing ability and firmly attaches all 20 claws deep in your skin, or

   2. Kitty decides to abandon ship and climb back up the tree, or

   3. Kitty takes advantage of another close by tree and jumps over there, requiring you to descend and climb another tree.

   b) place kitty in a secure bag for the trip down which can result in:

   1. Kitty now feels very secure and is absolutely no help in hanging on, after all, she can't even see the ground now, or

   2. Kitty gets frightened and doesn't realize it is a human holding her and thinks she must fight for her life.
       

5. Be prepared to answer all on lookers' questions (i.e. "Are you doing OK? Can I help you somehow? Have you ever fallen doing this? What should we do if you fall? Did you go to school for this? Is the kitty all right? Can we call you if this happens again?") even though you are incredibly short of breath after the last feat of turning yourself upside down to hook a branch with your foot to pull yourself up.

6. If you talk to the cat, you may get lucky and have one that will meet you halfway. This is rare, however, and most of the time the cat is determined to make you climb all the way up to them. On many occasions, they may even climb just a little higher to assess your skill before allowing you to carry them back down.

7.  And lastly, as you stand there on solid ground feeling the ache beginning to grow in those muscles you haven't used for so long and imagine the bruises you must explain to your husband in the days to come, remember to smile sweetly as the owner snuggles their now safe baby in their arms and says………. "We don't owe you anything for this, do we?"